Our Baby Jase

The first thing my husband said to me that was not about my well-being, was “we can’t even get a Birth Certificate for Jase.”

I have come full circle in this life. Not as many folks, as I wish could, can say they have dedicated their lives to overcome the destruction that was made possible by one’s years of bad choices and ignorance as I have. However, I have spent years dedicated to becoming the best I can be, My best self to become the mother I am today, the spouse, the woman I am today.

Honestly, I don’t know what I need or what can be done.

I was hoping you might have some insight into that aspect. I understand if you don’t.

Based on the traumatic experience I relive daily while I am awake as well as when I sleep and due to the uncivilized treatment my son and his memory has become victim to, I can say that, in my opinion, there are a few areas that could use a policy where one does not exist and some that could use an overhaul.

I know I have to do something to prevent this from ever happening to anyone else, ever. The birth trauma created alone from losing your baby is enough to change who you are; how do you think, how or if you feel, even your ability to taste seems to be lost to you. If, for some reason, we were left on our own simply because it was the weekend or something to fight for the rest of our lives for our mental health and well-being, I’d have to say the is a great need for change.

Jase Layne is not the only one whose heart stopped that day. As a mother to so many fantastic living children, I must fight the darkness that consumes me.

To fight for me, I must fight for him; I must stand up for what is right and demand resolution to the unjustifiable treatment he, my husband, and I endured.

I’ve always known my past does not define me. My history is not who I am today.

I must ensure I don’t become bitter, overwhelmed with grief, or so consumed I miss out on the ones that I fought so hard for starting all those years ago.

In my opinion, grit is my ability to overcome and persevere in difficult/challenging times. One unique Growth mindset knows you can progress from where you are to where you want to be despite the setbacks or obstacles in your way. Without a growth mindset, what good is your grit?

More specifically, I believe in the proclamations mentioned above.

It is my very own personal proclamation.

Just for the sake of all things, a simplified declaration demonstrates precisely what I mean;

I’ve placed my faith in myself to help me achieve my goals. Without the knowledge (growth mindset) that I can learn and succeed, I would lack ambition and drive even to create my future.

I know that I’m Overwhelmed, and I know that I am Spread thin. Just when I thought there was not any room for anything outside of my heartbreak, family, and my daily schedule. I have Made room to fight for Jase.

All of my “agenda items” are priority items. Mainly because they are essentially basic life skills and family necessities. I admit, my get up and go has gone up and went, and it does take me longer to perform simple tasks.

The dishes and laundry can wait, and we all manage. I know that what I’m doing right now works. I will keep a close watch on my self-discipline to ensure my foundation is rock steady.

I hope you see what I can not.

I am forever grateful for your time and Listening to the most important words I have ever had to say.

-Heather Shatzer